Parenting is one of the most powerful responsibilities a human being can carry. It’s not just about feeding, clothing, and educating a child, it’s about shaping a human soul. The way a child is treated at home becomes the foundation of how they see themselves, others, and even the world.
In Islam, parenting is not taken lightly. The repeatedly emphasizes justice, kindness, and responsibility, while the teachings of (peace be upon him) show a deeply compassionate and emotionally intelligent approach to raising children.
Many parents don’t intentionally harm their children, but certain actions, words, and habits can leave deep scars that last into adulthood. Sometimes, it’s not what parents do occasionally, but what they do consistently that shapes a child’s emotional world.
So, if you truly want to raise confident, emotionally stable, and God-conscious children, here are ten things parents should never do.
1. Never Humiliate or Shame Your Child
There’s a difference between correcting a child and shaming them.
When a parent says things like:
- “What’s wrong with you?”
- “You’re so useless”
- “Why can’t you be like others?”
They’re not correcting behavior, they’re attacking identity.
Humiliation, especially in front of others, breaks a child’s confidence. It teaches them that mistakes define their worth.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) never used harsh or degrading language when correcting others. He corrected with dignity.
A child who grows up constantly shamed often becomes either withdrawn or overly aggressive. Either way, the damage runs deep.
Also Read: Why Did Allah Give 4 Months & 10 Days of ‘Iddah?
2. Never Compare Them to Other Children
Comparison is one of the fastest ways to destroy a child’s self-esteem.
Statements like:
- “Look at your cousin, why can’t you be like him?”
- “Your sister is better than you”
create insecurity, jealousy, and resentment.
Every child is different. Different strengths, different pace, different personality.
The reminds us that Allah created diversity for a reason. Your child is not meant to be a copy of someone else.
Comparison doesn’t motivate, it suffocates.
3. Never Ignore Their Emotional Needs
Many parents focus only on physical needs, food, school, clothing, but ignore emotional needs.
A child doesn’t just need to be provided for. They need to be heard, understood, and valued.
When a child says, “I’m sad” or “I’m scared,” and the response is:
- “Stop crying”
- “That’s nothing”
- “Be strong”
they learn to suppress their feelings.
An emotionally neglected child often grows into an adult who struggles to express or even understand their emotions.
Listening is one of the most powerful forms of love.
4. Never Be Inconsistent with Discipline
One day something is wrong. The next day, it’s ignored.
One parent says yes. The other says no.
This kind of inconsistency confuses children. It makes them unsure of boundaries and rules.
Islam teaches balance, firmness with fairness.
Discipline should not depend on mood. It should be guided by principles.
Children feel safer when they know what to expect.
5. Never Use Physical or Verbal Abuse
Let’s be clear, discipline is not abuse.
Hitting in anger, screaming constantly, or using hurtful words is not discipline. It’s harm.
The (peace be upon him) never struck a child. His approach was rooted in patience and understanding.
Abuse doesn’t build respect, it builds fear.
And fear might control a child temporarily, but it often leads to rebellion or emotional damage later.
6. Never Break Promises
To adults, a small promise might seem insignificant. To a child, it’s everything.
If you say:
- “I’ll take you out tomorrow”
- “I’ll buy you this”
- “We’ll spend time together”
and you repeatedly fail to follow through, your child learns one thing: your words don’t matter.
Trust is built early, and broken easily.
Islam strongly emphasizes keeping promises. It’s part of integrity.
7. Never Dismiss Their Efforts
When a child tries, whether they succeed or fail, they need acknowledgment.
If a child hears:
- “This is not good enough”
- “You can do better” (without encouragement)
- “This is nothing special”
they begin to feel like their efforts are meaningless.
Encouragement fuels growth. Criticism without support kills motivation.
Celebrate effort, not just results.
8. Never Control Every Aspect of Their Life
Guidance is necessary. Control is harmful.
Some parents try to dictate everything:
- What the child studies
- Who they talk to
- What they feel
- Who they become
This creates either a rebellious child or a completely dependent adult who can’t make decisions.
Islam encourages responsibility and accountability, both require the ability to choose.
An empowered child is guided, not controlled.
9. Never Show Favoritism
Favoring one child over another creates deep emotional wounds.
Even subtle differences in treatment—tone, attention, gifts are noticed.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) emphasized fairness among children, even in giving gifts.
Favoritism breeds:
- Jealousy
- Resentment
- Broken sibling relationships
Every child deserves equal love, even if they are different.
10. Never Neglect Teaching Them Faith and Values
In the rush of modern life, school, money, success—many parents forget the most important thing: spiritual guidance.
A child without values grows up confused.
The teaches us that success is not just in this world, but in the hereafter.
Teaching children about:
- Allah
- Right and wrong
- Kindness
- Responsibility
is not optional, it’s essential.
Without this foundation, everything else becomes unstable.
The Long-Term Impact of Parenting
Here’s the truth many people avoid:
Children don’t forget how you made them feel.
They may forget what you bought them.
They may forget what you said once.
But they won’t forget patterns.
- The way you spoke to them
- The way you handled their mistakes
- The way you showed (or didn’t show) love
Those experiences shape their identity.
Also Read: Social Media and Its Impact on Iman
What Good Parenting Looks Like
It’s not perfection.
Good parenting is:
- Being present
- Being fair
- Being patient
- Being willing to learn and improve
Even if you’ve made mistakes, it’s not too late to change.
Children are incredibly forgiving when they see genuine effort.
Conclusion
Raising a child is not just about authority, it’s about trust, love, and responsibility.
The teachings of the and the example of (peace be upon him) remind us that kindness, fairness, and mercy should be at the center of parenting.
Avoiding these ten mistakes won’t make you a perfect parent, but it will make you a better one.
And sometimes, better is exactly what a child needs.
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